Well time to face to facts...

Hey guys! I hope to be finding you all well.

Life has been very eventful for me lately. Not fun by any means, but eventful. I have had alot of things come up that I never wanted to deal with. I have become exact ally what I never wanted to be. I am unemployed. Obviously for bogus reasons, but nonetheless, unemployed. I have been trying to find a job, but between everything and the economy it has been hard to find anything.

I feel like I am failing at my calling. For you of those that don't know, I am the co-chair on the activities in my singles branch. This last activity ended up costing way more than we had all planned on. I forgot to open and close with a prayer. An upside to that is we got alot more people to attended than any other activity this year. I am feeling frustrated with it because I feel like the other co chair would rather have someone else in my place, or be in a different calling himself. I don't know.

After many years of denial, I have finally faced the fact that I have an eating disorder. I don't know the technical name for it, I am addicted to food. I eat and in a sense i get high off it. I feel better when I eat. Like nothing could ever go wrong. Well 23 years of hiding and not wanting to face it has only ruined my body, my life. I can't stand for long periods of time. I can't get up off the floor with out hurting my knees. I can't even walk on a treadmill without my knees constially popping. My ankles and the bottom of my feel hurt so bad some days I wish that someone would cut my feet off, it would hurt less. I know all this, and yet, I can't stop eating. It is like my crack. I am addict.

You know admitting this makes me feel even worse for ever hating my brother, Jory. I mean, I know I had every right. However, He was a drug addict. He never meant to hurt anyone, it was the drugs that always hurt people.

Anyways, So that is where I am at in life right now. I am am broken and I have to fix myself. I am going to give it my all. I know that if I do that, that God will help me with the rest. I am so grateful for the gospel in my life. I had a mental break down about a week and a half ago and I felt like I was nothing. I was having thoughts that I haven't had since I was in 7th grade. I was at a very low point right that minute and Then I had an over whelming feeling that God loves me, That I have an older brother who gave his life for me. He redeemed for my sins, my mistakes so that I could return home eventually. He knew exactally how I felt that minute and he was right there with me. I am truly thankful for that. I am grateful for being blessed with great friends and a loving family that I know will support me threw everything they can.

Anyways, Wish me luck!... I going to need all i can get. As always thanks for reading my blog. Have a great day.